SinyeeOle's Blog

Omg! I have made my decision.

I want you and ONLY YOU my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly I was thinking so hard for the past few days secretly because I somehow knew that I wanted to move on away from Us because of all the pain I have felt. I was trying to make myself think of all the advantages for me when I move on. You will be happy, I will be too.

But just a few minutes ago, I was browzing through my Documents folder and I came across your folder. A picture album full of your face.

I don’t know why but when I click on the pictures, I felt an instant rush of pain and my heart felt something. It was like a rush of old feelings back!!!!!!!!!!!! ): I MISS YOU SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BABY!!!!!!!!!!! ): ): ): ): ):

I finally FELT SOMETHING after these few days and although it’s still quite painful(becos you don’t belong back to me) but I somehow like the pain. I would rather go through bad times with you than good times with anyone else.

Fuck this shit. I’m gonna cry my heart out tonight just cuz I am not able to tell you about this because, you don’t seem to care.

I don’t know what to FUCKING DO anymore. I’m so afraid of everything else.

I feel so confused. I need assurance from you, once, and it’s enough.

Right now, I don’t know if you really want me, it’s like your replies are so fucking cold and it makes me want to stab myself every single time. I guess you do not understand how it feels to be in a position like I am now.

The regular texts I keep texting you, like those mini updates when I played MJ ytd etc, was what I want to do. To let you feel as if you’re here with me, when you’re actually not. But it seems like you don’t appreciate it?

I don’t know how long more I can take this shit.

So hey, I think I should get back to blogging starting from today and I am about half-eyes opened while typing this.

What I am currently doing now- 1) Blogging 2) Taylor Swift 3) Msn 4) Tumblr 5) Ohsofickle

So boring, I am feeling tired but I don’t want to head to bed soon.

Let me guess why.

a) I have plenty of things to do
b) Don’t wanna waste my last day of my weekend by going to bed this early
c) I miss you and I need you to ease me to bed.

c) is my favourite. So yup, there there, I can’t sleep ):

xx

It’s amazing how I can love one person so much. This is one little girl I will always love even if we were to break up. She gives me this special feeling whenever she’s around. Yeah, I know we just had a big fight and it almost cause me to lose her. It was a wake up call from her to me, to stop being so clingy and give her her space too.

For the last 11 months, I haven’t been considering on the fact that she needs space, she needs time with her friends too. All I did was to make her go out with me whenever I am free. I was so self-centered. I hate myself now for what I did to her. She must have felt very constrained and had no freedom or breathing space. Fuck, I am such a BITCH. Ughhhhh.

But all is good, I have realised my mistakes and we’re starting afresh now. I am going to be the best girlfriend in the world and make her happy every day 🙂

I love my little ball so much. 🙂

It’s kicking in.

The sour sour feeling is starting to kick in. I am crying a little every time whenever I think of the possibilities that this time-out will cause. It’s hard to be at home becos I am afraid my mom will see me crying. It’s even harder to be in the crowded places or with friends because what if I cannot control my tears? But Home is better I guess, there’s internet, there’s toilet, there’s doors.

I am asking a few friends about their experience with time-out. Yup, I should be prepared for the worse scenario. Oh pray the lord, I love you so much, I don’t wanna leave you yet )’:

1st day. She asked for a time-out. Said it was becos she is feeling numb about us right now ever since the incident at AMK hub. Who do I have to blame but myself? Why did I lost control, why wasn’t I strong enough?

I have created an impression in her head that I am some form of psycho who puts suicide at the side of the mouth. But truth is, I hate people who threatens to commit suicide when something in a relationship goes wrong. I even secretly wish they really die.

So a time-out that is. It’s going to be motherfucking hard to stand single again but I got to try right? With upcoming IIP First Day and our 9th, I just wish that Wednesday would come faster so I can feel better.

It’s only 1 hour since I agreed to time-out and I have already cried a shitload times. Mummy ask, ‘ are you going to compass point with van later? ‘ I hid in the toilet and tried to sound normal with, ‘ Yup ‘. Truth is, I just wanna go PP to drown myself with Anchor later.

O boy, it’s the weekends tomorrow. And I do not have YOU with me. How do I survive. JUST how do I survive.

27 more days and I am done with this semester.

I must say this is my worst class to be with ever. Most of them are fine but it’s just different from my previous wunderful class~~~~~~~~~ But whatever, fuck you 27 more days. I am going to conquer you.

Feel like drinking henni now. Goshhhhhh.

Once again, I get disappoints from you again.

I woke up today, looking forward to meeting you to go town, just simply enjoying my last day with you since we won’t meet again for the next 3 days. But you just had to cancel it on me. The nasty feeling is coming back, yes it is coming back to me again..

And it seems that I have to keep all my stupid emotions to myself starting from yesterday just cos i-was-at-fault-when-i-feel-ANNOYED-when-i-embarrassed-myself-at-the-counter-with-no-cash-to-pay-up. OF COURSE i was irritated because this has never happened to me and $$ has been an issue for me. and OF COURSE i had all the right in the world to be irritated for a mere ONE minute. And nooooooooooooooo you were angry and it seems like it’s all my fault all again.

Think about the times when you vent your anger more than a minute so fucking easily. Did I shout at you back? No. I just kept QUIET like a fucking mute and let you take control of the whole situation. I pitied myself and I pity myself one more time.

I am feeling so annoyed and disappointed right now. I wish I can be at somewhere else right now. I wish I AM PLAYING MJ so it can take things off my mind for another day.

I know that if I want to keep this thing work, I must do the following: remember to keep my stupid feelings to myself whenever I feel angry/sad because yknow….? It will make her angry. Secondly, I have to learn not to expect so much from people. The higher your stupid expectations are, the HARDER you fall.

So whats the plan now? Sallow in self-pity, keep my disappointment to myself and no one else because I dont like my friends knowing whats wrong with us, and look forward to my curry dinner.

Good bye.

I have never thought of marriage with you.

I have always wanted,
love with no boundaries,
love me with all your heart,
stand by me no matter what,
fight all evil devils together with me,
and
never let me go.

xx

I’m looking forward to feeling happy and awesome again.

I feel that it’s coming.

If I am able to stay strong on my feet and keep thinking of the positive things, well, then I can be slightly happier.

I am gonna try that now.

&why do I feel that I won’t be able to make it in time when you finally pass your driving?

Hey alllllllllllllllll

Came to school alone, took the lift alone, walked past w1 canteen alone, everything alone.

I want to say IMY right now to you
but I am holding back myself.

I feel a change coming? But I am not ready to face the hurricane yet.