SinyeeOle's Blog

I feel so confused. I need assurance from you, once, and it’s enough.

Right now, I don’t know if you really want me, it’s like your replies are so fucking cold and it makes me want to stab myself every single time. I guess you do not understand how it feels to be in a position like I am now.

The regular texts I keep texting you, like those mini updates when I played MJ ytd etc, was what I want to do. To let you feel as if you’re here with me, when you’re actually not. But it seems like you don’t appreciate it?

I don’t know how long more I can take this shit.

So hey, I think I should get back to blogging starting from today and I am about half-eyes opened while typing this.

What I am currently doing now- 1) Blogging 2) Taylor Swift 3) Msn 4) Tumblr 5) Ohsofickle

So boring, I am feeling tired but I don’t want to head to bed soon.

Let me guess why.

a) I have plenty of things to do
b) Don’t wanna waste my last day of my weekend by going to bed this early
c) I miss you and I need you to ease me to bed.

c) is my favourite. So yup, there there, I can’t sleep ):

xx

It’s amazing how I can love one person so much. This is one little girl I will always love even if we were to break up. She gives me this special feeling whenever she’s around. Yeah, I know we just had a big fight and it almost cause me to lose her. It was a wake up call from her to me, to stop being so clingy and give her her space too.

For the last 11 months, I haven’t been considering on the fact that she needs space, she needs time with her friends too. All I did was to make her go out with me whenever I am free. I was so self-centered. I hate myself now for what I did to her. She must have felt very constrained and had no freedom or breathing space. Fuck, I am such a BITCH. Ughhhhh.

But all is good, I have realised my mistakes and we’re starting afresh now. I am going to be the best girlfriend in the world and make her happy every day 🙂

I love my little ball so much. 🙂

It’s kicking in.

The sour sour feeling is starting to kick in. I am crying a little every time whenever I think of the possibilities that this time-out will cause. It’s hard to be at home becos I am afraid my mom will see me crying. It’s even harder to be in the crowded places or with friends because what if I cannot control my tears? But Home is better I guess, there’s internet, there’s toilet, there’s doors.

I am asking a few friends about their experience with time-out. Yup, I should be prepared for the worse scenario. Oh pray the lord, I love you so much, I don’t wanna leave you yet )’:

1st day. She asked for a time-out. Said it was becos she is feeling numb about us right now ever since the incident at AMK hub. Who do I have to blame but myself? Why did I lost control, why wasn’t I strong enough?

I have created an impression in her head that I am some form of psycho who puts suicide at the side of the mouth. But truth is, I hate people who threatens to commit suicide when something in a relationship goes wrong. I even secretly wish they really die.

So a time-out that is. It’s going to be motherfucking hard to stand single again but I got to try right? With upcoming IIP First Day and our 9th, I just wish that Wednesday would come faster so I can feel better.

It’s only 1 hour since I agreed to time-out and I have already cried a shitload times. Mummy ask, ‘ are you going to compass point with van later? ‘ I hid in the toilet and tried to sound normal with, ‘ Yup ‘. Truth is, I just wanna go PP to drown myself with Anchor later.

O boy, it’s the weekends tomorrow. And I do not have YOU with me. How do I survive. JUST how do I survive.